Tory Toff Haunted By Yob Past

High-flying Conservative politician George Osbourne was branded a feral toff this week by the News of the World after it emerged he was once a member of secret Oxford University drinking society the Bullingdon Club.

The 33 year old Shadow Chancellor reportedly paid £5,000 to belong to the ultra-violent binge drinking society which the Guardian handily described this week as "a kind of support group for public school educated chaps unable to maintain an erection unless they're wearing a black tie.'

UK trance/ house star James Holden encountered the Toffs when he was studying at Oxford some years ago and told Skrufff at the time that he'd been surprised by the all-round weirdness of many of the public school delinquents he studied with at the university.

"I'm from a state school in Leicester, and up to that point, I liked people and believed that most people were decent- because normal people are," said James, "but when you get to Oxford, you find this 'We're so fucking cool, because we're at Oxford' mentality'"

It seems that people who've had all that money thrown at them genuinely are different- they really do turn out differently, thinking they're great," he mused, "If you get into Oxford from state school, the chances are, you've been the odd one out, maybe you're a bit too brainy, whereas at public school, I suppose it's different. They turn them out more confident and more full of themselves," he added.

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• Tory Toff