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10 reasons why winter clubbing rocks

Author: Sparky Mulholland
Monday, 19 May 2008

With winter well and truly upon us, Australia's party people are preparing themselves for the off season, mostly by staying home and ignoring any phone calls. But just because the temperature has dropped quicker than Paris Hilton's undergarments, it doesn't mean life has to stop.Listed below are 10 good reasons why mid-winter shindigs can be the most entertaining of the year, even though they tend to leave you with frozen nipples and a hankering for vegetable soup." align=left>Clubs don't smell as much
OK, they do smell, I lied. But at least during winter you're treated to the aroma of cheap perfume and alcopop spew, rather than the olfactory delights of human sweat, which is way more deadly and sticks in your throat like a rotting lozenge. People really are quite disgusting when you get up close." align=left>

Dealers offer discounts
If they don't start to chew through the pile of hallucinogenic love drugs that's burning a hole in their loft, those scary Russian 'business men' will be back to pick up a bag of fingers or maybe a testicle or two. $10 pill anyone-


Nobody ever suggests getting on a boat
Unlike summer, when every promoter in town thinks it's cool to host 300 wasted losers on a rusty old tub, during winter everyone prefers to stay well and truly indoors. The temperature is better, you can get off when you want to and there's less chance of sinking to your watery death while chewing your face and doing the Melbourne Shuffle." align=left>

Too cold to fight
You are much less likely to be punched to a bloody pulp if the person you have just offended is too cold to take their hands from their pockets. The balaclava and ski suit ensemble will also help you to avoid a repeat thumping when you bump into your enemies at Hungry Jacks later in the night." align=left>Dehydration not a problem
If you start to get thirsty, simply lick the drip hanging from the end of your nose. Alternatively, you can now get water from the bar without being pressed against several hundred sweating piglets with bad breath and no shirts." align=left>No singlets or thongs on the dancefloor
The posers on Chapel Street dread winter, as it means they have to cover their nipples and learn to tie a shoelace all over again. But that's OK, it's reall just an opportunity to dust off those cheesy bowling shoes and revisit last year's oversized puffa coat (the security guard's nemesis)." align=left>Hangovers are better
Apart from the obvious benefits of having your headaches fall on days that don't exceed 40 degrees, hangovers work better because there's nothing else to do anyway. Drinking soup and watching Underbelly almost makes the vomiting and stomach cramps worthwhile." align=left>Fat no barrier
Not only does that scarf make you look quite dashing, it also covers the huge verandah hanging over the 'toy shop' in your trousers. Nobody can tell if you're built like Casey Donovan or the O